goodbye 20, hello 21.

At the end of this week I will get to celebrate the 21 years that I've been able to live so far, and the excitement of the new one to come. The highly anticipated 21st birthday :)

In South Africa there is a culture of adulthood that comes with a 21st birthday. You become a man or a woman when you turn 21. Now, in America I felt that I became an adult at 18 (especially with that whole moving-to-another-country-on-my-own-thing), but I ended up having another 3 more years before anyone would even think of calling me an adult. Boo.

BUT NOW I'M BIG!

And I'm going to claim 21 as my entrance into adulthood.....all sophisticated and wise, and stuff like that.

As I was thinking about the excitement of another birthday, I couldn't help but reflect back on all that I've learned in the past 20 something years of my life and all that I wish I had known when I was younger. So, to celebrate this beautiful thing called life, I've written a list of 20 things I've learned over the years: things that I never want to forget and things I had wished I'd known earlier.

Also, please enjoy some random pictures of Paris, mainly Notre Dame :)

1. Chocolate is wonderful. It is scientifically proven to help you study, and it helps with any type of heart break. Eat it and don't be ashamed.

2. Stop being lazy and do what is expected of you. You have responsibilities. If you don't do them, you're only making life harder on yourself. So do them in a timely and productive manner.

3. No matter what happens to you in life, there is always a way to make it work for your good. Seriously, the worst of the worst can make you feel like the world is over, but I promise you that you can have victory over it and make it your crown. There is good in everything, and you have the opportunity to welcome it.

4. Be brave. If you're afraid of doing something, close your eyes, focus your attention, and embrace the beautifully terrifying and unknown opportunities before you. There is always a reward in facing your fears.

5. Enjoy the moment you are in. Don't rush ahead and think about what is happening next, or tomorrow, or worrying about that one thing, but rather work on enjoying the moment that you are in. Take in your surroundings, the smells, the colours, the mannerism of the people you love. Enjoy this moment. Have fun.

6. Learn how to be semi-organised, even if it isn't your natural tendency. Or at least get into the habit of putting things where they go. This really will help you to be more productive, and minimise your stress.

7. Real life happens outside of Instagram and Facebook. I know, it's crazy to think about, but it's not necessary for the world to see moments of your life for them to be valuable, memorable, or desirable. The amount of likes doesn't determine the significance or excitement of you or your life.

8. Get out of your comfort zone. Learn how to talk to all types of people... the old, the young, the shy, the loud, the awkward, and.....the painfully awkward. Talk to them. Build relationships. It helps you in the long run, I promise.

9. Learn to say no. Learn how to know when it is the right time to say no, and when you're just being selfish and should actually say yes. It's a tricky thing to figure out, but you can do it.

10. It's okay to cry. Our society has put a negative connotation on emotions, but the reality is some people are emotionally wired. Embrace your emotions, wallow in them for a bit, and then allow them to turn into compassion. If you are lonely, think about other people who experience the same thing. If you are angry because of an injustice, use that to motivate you. Allow your emotions to help you empathise with others.

11. Take vitamins and drink water everyday. For real. Also, get outside and walk or something. Hello exercise!

12. Realise that a busy schedule and full social life does not always make you happy. Spending time on your own is so fulfilling. Learn about who you are without trying to find yourself in the midst of other peoples opinion of you.

13. Please please please never forget that you are whole and more than enough on your own. With Christ in your heart and the satisfaction of knowing Him, you do not need anything else to complete you. No reputation, no group of friends, no husband/wife, no beauty, no wardrobe, no job, no amount of money. Nothing. His grace is more than sufficient. 

14. Be open minded and learn. Learn about the world and the people in it. Seek to better understand people from different backgrounds, cultures and religions. Make friends with them. Help them. Allow them to help you.

15. Pay attention in that high school foreign language class. Seriously. Actually, just pay attention in all of the classes you ever take. Knowledge is power.

16. Do what you desire. Learn about yourself and the dreams and talents you have. Grow your strengths. Dream of changing the world in your own way, and don't stop until you accomplish it. You have opportunities all around you, take them.

17. Evaluate your beliefs. What do you truly believe? Do you believe that because you've been told to believe it, or is it your personal conviction? Find where you stand and stand strong.

18. Continually challenge yourself to be teachable and to grow.

19. You will never be liked by everyone. Please learn that and accept that it doesn't demean your worth or value. Not everyone will understand you. People will be difficult. Maybe you'll be difficult. Conflicts will arise, but you are you and and you are beautifully imperfect, perfected by a God who is absolutely flawless.

If there is one thing that I really don't want to forget, it is that life is short. I may not have a life full of many years, but I have today, and I want to take today as a gift and live it intentionally.

"I just try to live every day as if I've deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinarily, ordinary life." - About Time

20. Please please please never forget that life is short, and you only have a small amount of time to impact the people around you. Love everyone you come into contact with and reflect the heart of God in all that you do. Never get too busy to remember that you have a purpose here, and that is to know God and make Him known to the world.

Security and worth.

We've bought into a lie that has promised us security.

But in return we're being destroyed, slowly but surely.

We're continually wanting our security to be tanglible, and obvious, and affectionate. Something we can hold and grasp onto. We want it to be affirmed now. We've been raised in a world that tells us our security is based on another's opinion of us. Perfectionism has noted every mistake, error, fault, flaw, and blemish in and on us like a check list against us. We've been whispered to by our ugly culture, believing that our worth is based on our beauty, or sex appeal, or the amount of attention the opposite sex gives. So what do our hearts do? They reach out. They try to check our lists and get more checks on the “good” side rather than on the ugly side that we tend to think is reality - what defines us. We reach out for affection and affirmation from our check lists, the attention we're given, the compliments we recieve. We want people to adore us, our faults and our failures included.

And that's normal.

But if that is what determines our worth, it's not healthy.

Not when our heart loses sight of the love our Father has for us.

Our sight tends to fixate on the now, and we've been swept up into a continual cycle of affirmation and condemnation. Leaving us dependant and desperate for those around us to dictate who we are and the amount of worth we possess.

BUT...

Our worth is not determined based on what others around us confirm or think. Our worth, Lord, is found in the fact that “You know me...and You are familiar with all my ways.” You know us. You've searched us. You have created us intimately and intentionally. You see us in what we think is absolute darkness and failure and loss – but it is all light to you. You saw us while we were unformed, yet every single day of our lives were written in Your book. And through it all, You laid Your hand upon us and You never leave. Never. (Psalm 139)

That alone confirms my security and worth.

That alone confirms your security and worth.

He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes. Psalm 112:7-8

Don't buy into the that lie your heart or the world around you screams. Renew your mind to His truth.

He knows you, and loves you more in this moment than anyone could love you in an entire lifetime. You've been lavishly loved! 

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1a

221.

I've never experienced death more than I have in the past 5 days. It has rocked my world. As I watched a friend say farewell to his unresponsive mother, I wished I could take her place and make his pain disapear. As I saw my best friend's world torn apart, I wanted to cradle her and her family in my arms like a child. I was in shock. I AM in shock. Yet, the pain I feel is not even a fraction compared to what the families feel. But the pain they feel is not even a thousandth of a fraction of how God felt toward His Son.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Hebrews 4:!5

There is a big difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy is to understand the feelings someone is experiencing and to relate it to another situation you have gone through. Empathy is to vicariously take the feelings of another on yourself and to feel them in their situation as if it was happening to you, even if they haven't communicated their feelings to you.

I so badly wish it could have been me. I wish I could have taken Derrick's place and allowed him to live. I wish I could have taken Jerry's place, and let a mother love her son for just a few more years. Jesus didn't just wish He could take our place, He DID take our place. He saw the destiny we had. He saw our complete destruction due to our sin. He saw the veil that divided us from God. And He came to tear that veil from top to bottom, so that we would no longer be separated from God. He saw our death, and took it upon Himself. Not just your death, but every single death of every single person who has ever lived on this earth. Thank you Lord that You didn't just sympathize with us, but that You empathized our desperation and took it upon Yourself.

Jesus sees the pain and hopelessness you have on this earth. He wants to pick you up in His arms, cradle you and wipe away your tears. He wants to rock you until you settle down and trust Him. He wants to kiss you on the forehead and tell you He loves you. HE LOVES YOU. He died for you, so that when death came... it would have no power over you. If you have never thought of this before, it is something very serious that needs to be considered. Death isn't the fear. Death isn't your final destination. Heaven or Hell is your final destination, and that is based on if you've know God through out your life. You can't just claim God, or call yourself a Christian, but you must allow God to establish Himself and give you a new self in the deepest part of your heart. Be careful then, how you live, now that you know what death looks like. Don't be unwise, but wise and realize that your days are numbered and evil. Make the most of every opportunity like it may be your last. Don't be foolish and know what God's will is!

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Ephesians 5:!5-17

I love you Uncle Derrick. I love you Jerry Saad. Rest in peace and give Jesus a big hug for me. Please please please continue to pray for these families. I love you all.

Am I Grasping For The Wind?

Scotty, my Youth Pastor, asked us to write our own Eulogy for class.. along with that we were asked to read the first seven chapters of Ecclesiastes. I pray and beg God that this is His will for me. I so desire to make a huge difference in this world by speaking to people and sharing my story and His love! Here is my Eulogy:

Corina Anne Spinazzola was a woman who sought God. At the age of 15 she met God and He made His home in her heart. Before that day her life had been polluted by mental illnesses, distorting her view of love. Just months later a family rescued her and made her their daughter. They demonstrated God's love in the way that He adopts His children, how He doesn't leave us as orphans. Many struggles arose and they came together and journeyed into the healing and restoration God had planned for her. As she transformed from a girl into a woman God put a burden on her heart to help others in desperate situations, to share with the world the richness and justice of a life filled with God's presence. The irony is that as a teenager in high school she had extreme fear of public speaking, even reading from the textbook in class would send her into a panic attack. Yet, the fear was overcome when God challenged her to speak in front of her Sunday school class which, led into speaking to hundreds and thousands of different people around the world. She truly desired to love God above all. With her gone I ask this question. What was Corina Anne Spinazzola remembered for? I know she would not want to be remembered as someone grasping for the wind, but someone who made a difference in the world for the kingdom of God.

I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and indeed, all is vanity and grasping for the wind. Ecclesiastes 1:14

Please pray for me people! I'm seeking and asking God that this be His will for me. I'd really appreciate your prayers also.

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24

Words.

What do girls do when they get together? Eat, talk, and cry. Of course. So many broken hearts and so many crushed spirits. People truly don't understand how much their words and actions mean to people. Please, take the time to lift someone up. Take the time to love on someone. Next time you want to say something mean or hateful to someone realize that you could possibly be ripping their heart in two. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.

But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. Matthew 12:36

To all my ECLL girls, I love you! <3

What's the point?

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. -Psalm 19:14

So, blogging. This is a new experience for me. I have a lot to say about a lot of stuff, but posting it on the internet where anyone can look? It makes me feel uncomfortable. But hey, that's kind of the point. Out of my comfort zone where I can be matured. I'm doing my best not to go back and edit my posts a million times.

The title of my blog is pretty self explanatory. I'm going to write about the meditations of my heart. I pray that I can be completely honest with myself and everyone else. I am not perfect, and some of the things I let myself dwell on are far from perfect. But I know I can be transformed by the renewing of my mind, by God's word the more that I study and read. (Romans 12:2) I just want to reflect on what God Himself teaches me, right here.

But here is my little dilemma. I was talking to my mentor, and she was telling me about how a few weeks ago her pastor brought a message that was about how, "it is not all about us, but it is all about God." I don't at all want this blog to be all about me, because that would be very unimportant and a waste of precious time that I could spend proclaiming the name of Jesus. (Philippians 3:7-11)

So I'm praying that this will be a Christ-centered blog. That if anyone reads it, it brings them closer to God and helps edify and enrich their relationship with Christ as I grow in my relationship with Him. (1 Corinthians 1:4-6)

I hope you enjoy!