Do you trust God?

"I have a plan. Do you trust Me?" God asked me this question about a month ago...and my answer was a heartbreaking "No". I sat on my bed and cried when I realised that I don't trust God and that most of the time, my heart doesn't want to trust God. I laid before God and told Him with all honesty in my heart that I didn't trust Him because I didn't like to lose control and I didn't want to have to handle a pain that felt unbearable - the pain of not having all the answers. When those words came out of my mouth I felt I was going to vomit! How can I not trust God? How can I lay before the perfect and sinless God who loves me and died for me, and tell Him I don't trust Him?

You see, growing up I had to take care of myself. I know without a doubt that my parents loved me with all the love in their hearts, but that love wasn't simply enough. As a child I often had to be the adult and make decisions that were best for my safety and health. That's something a child should never have to do. I learned to play parent. I had to play parent. And now, as a 19 year old young adult, I feel I must play God in my own life. I like to have control. I feel like I have to do what is best for myself. I have a trust issue. Please hear me out.. God is completely and utterly worthy of trust. He is completely credible. This issue is my own. 

In my quiet time a few weeks ago the topic was "the obstacle of unbelief", which is essentially not trusting God. We can believe IN God and have our eternity secured, but not believe God and spend all of our earthly years insecure and filled with unnecessary worry and anxiety. God created us each for the purpose of knowing Him and believing Him. Isaiah 43:10 says "You are my witnesses," declares the LORD, "and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe Me and understand that I am He. Before Me no god was formed, nor will there be one after Me". In the Hebrew, the world for "believe" is 'aman, which means "to make firm, to stand firm, to be enduring; to trust, to believe". In the Greek, the word is pisteuo, which means "to be firmly persuaded as to something, to believe...with the idea of hope and certain expectation".  The rest of my quiet time was focused on Mark 9:21-24 (read the passage here.). This is an account of a father of a demon-possessed boy. The father came to Jesus and asked Him for His help. I love this story, because I really relate to the father. He says to Jesus "if you can do anything.." and Jesus immediately replies "If I can? All things are possible for one who believes". I tend to say "If you can.." repeatedly in my prayer life. What a slap in the face to God! Of course He can! HE IS ABLE. He is God. And then the father quickly responds "I believe; help my unbelief!" I can imagine him saying this quickly so he can't think twice about what he is actually saying. "I believe" is the right answer. God is completely worthy of our trust and belief. Numbers 23:19 beautifully explains that "God is not man, that He should lie, or a son of man, that He should change His mind. Has he said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not fulfil it?"

The cry of our heart should be "I believe; help my unbelief!" Beth Moore once said "Trusting an invisible God doesn't come naturally to any believer. A trust relationship grows only by stepping out in faith and making the choice to trust. The ability to believe God develops most often through pure experience". It's not easy to trust God, especially when He asks us to surrender all of our desires and painful questions to Him. 

BUT as a son and daughter of God, you have the privilege to trust and rest secure in your Heavenly Father. As I've been working through this issue with God I've realised more and more that God is for me. I am His, and He is mine. He loves me, He left heaven and came to a people who rejected Him, and He was brutally beaten and nailed to a tree so that I could know and believe Him. Beloved, know that God is for you. He did all of this FOR YOU. He is a loving, compassionate, grace-filled God who is unlike any man and who has wonderful and amazing plans for your life! He is going to glorify Himself through your life, but as John Piper always says, He is glorified the most when we are satisfied in Him. You may not have all the answers right now, but you have the ability to draw close to the One who has all the answers - the one who loves you and has the best plan for you!

I hope this is some encouragement to you! I don't think I could find the right words to express what is truly going on in my heart and my head concerning this issue, but I really do pray this can be of some help to you! I pray that you and I will both learn to trust God each and every day! Remind yourself of who He is on a regular basis and don't relent until your heart clings to God.

Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in Me. John 14:1

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song. Psalm 28:7

I watched this video a few months ago and it blew my mind. In the same way the little girl didn't trust her mother, we don't trust God..but remember, He has a bigger and better plan that we could ever think of! TRUST HIM! :)

I AM.

i am small. i'm frail and weak. i'm quiet. i am loud. i am confused. i am broken. i am insecure. i am fearful of everything. i am not brave. i am not confident in myself. i am not beautiful. i am not strong. i am not a leader. i am not smart or wise. i am sinful and useless. but most importantly, i am Christ's. see, that's what makes all the difference. i'm nothing, but HE is everything. i can't boast in my courage to move to Africa. i can't boast in my education or my possessions. i can't boast in my deeds or my salvation. i am absolutely nothing.

oh, but my I AM is big. my I AM is strong. my I AM's voice is quiet and loud, soft as wind and loud enough to shake me. my I AM is constant and always. HE is never confused or double-minded, but concrete and sure. my I AM is secure. HE is everything and HIS perfect love drives out all fear. my I AM is the definition or courage and braveness. my confidence is in I AM. my I AM is beautiful and majestic. my I AM is my strength. my I AM is powerful and perfect to lead. HE is wisdom and HIS word is knowledge. my I AM is perfection and sinless. my I AM uses the useless. HE is everything; the I AM.

you may think i'm special because i've moved to south africa. don't. you may think i'm brave because i'm living in a completely foreign place. don't. you may think i'm strong because i left all of my family and friends to do what Christ asked. don't.

i've done nothing special or courageous. i've not done something that is unreachable or unattainable. i simply did what GOD asked me to do.

brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth.  but GOD chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; GOD chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. GOD chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before HIM. it is because of HIM that you are in CHRIST JESUS, who has become for us wisdom from GOD—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. therefore, as it is written: “let the one who boasts boast in the LORD." 1 corinthians 1:26-31

but HE said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” therefore i will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 1 corinthians 12:9

you can do this too. simply boast in your weakness and in the LORD. HE will change the world through your weakness. be weak, then Christ will be strong.

What if?

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. James 1:5-8

What if God calls me to live full time in Africa?

What if He asks me to leave all my family and friends and go to a place where I know ONE person?

What if God tells me to enroll in college in South Africa?

What if God tells me to forsake everything but Him and my relationship with Him?

What if He says, "Use all your money..but don't fret about it, I have it all under control."

Or "Yeah..you won't fit in there at all. I didn't fit in with My own creation either."

What if this is the last season of fall that I will experience in these mountains?

What if God asks me not to buy another car?

What if I just want my life to be "normal"? 

What if I'm scared to death of leaving?

What if I have doubts that this trip will fall through like the last one?

What if I'm not able to learn well over there, since it's a completely different country?

What if I don't have enough time to graduate early?

What if God is telling me to throw all my "what if's" out the window and to hold unswervingly to Him because He has promised me, and He is faithful.

So, I'm going to stop with my "what if's" and hold onto the fact that I'm going to Africa. I trust that God is completely capable of providing my every need and will prepare me in every way possible. The Lord has already been preparing me in so many different and difficult ways and I'm begging that you pray for me through this time. It's crazy how the thing I am most scared of is the biggest desire of my heart.

The LORD had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you." Genesis 12:1

Your every moment is in His Book.

It's hard to get it through my thick head that not everything is going to go my way. I make all these plans and most of the time expect God to fulfill exactly what I desire. HAHA! Not how it works Corina. I learned it the hard way this time. My plans fell through, and it hurt. I was mad and confused. Why? "God, can't You just do this for me? Just this time?" No is all I heard. I couldn't help but feel like a failure. Who am I to know God's will? I truly thought this was it. I felt incapable, embarrassed, and doubtful. How would I have the courage to take any more "leaps of faith" like this one? "God, I want to hear You." And the whole time He was saying, "No...no...no...no. Baby girl, you've got it all wrong. You aren't truly listening to Me. Look at this, just try to imagine with your limited mind, that I have your life in My hands. I have every single moment written in my Book of Life. You are not capable of knowing and or understanding My will. Just trust Me. I love you, I'll take good care of you."

You may be questioning what's happening in your life. You may have all these loveLy plans, but nothing seems to happen the way you'd like. I understand how bad it hurts. Have faith beloved. God is in control.

Look at the nations and watch—
and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days
that you would not believe,
even if you were told. Habakkuk 1:5

Lord, I have heard of Your fame;
I stand in awe of Your deeds, Lord.
Repeat them in our day,
in our time make them known;
in wrath remember mercy. Habakkuk 3:2

Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16

Remember these. I've clung so tightly to these verses the past few weeks. He is always in control and has a greater plan for us then we will ever be able to perceive. His ways are higher than our ways, His thoughts higher than our thoughts. Cling to God today.

Keep your eyes out the next few days, God has brought something beautiful from this situation. Don't worry, I won't leave you hanging much longer. I'll explain everything that happened. :)

Take heart!

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wastelands. Isaiah 43:18-19

"This dry and desert land. I tell myself keep walking on..." All My Fountains, by Chris Tomlin

Have you been having a hard time with life lately? Been confused? Feel alone and like no one understands? Wondering what's next? What is God doing? WHY is He letting this happen?

You might be asking... Why did my boyfriend break up with me? Everything seemed fine. I really cared about him and told him I'd wait for him. But then out of no where he said he didn't want to be with me anymore.

And..How come my dad doesn't care about me the way the other dad's do. He never spent time with me when I was little and still doesn't try to today. I just want him to love me.

Or...I hate being sick. I never get to do normal things. I'm in constant pain and absolutely no one understands. I wish I could just get better and then things would go back to the way they were.. WHY ME?

This is what I'm asking.. God what are you doing? I know You love me and make all things work together for my good.. But why this way? I'm trying to trust You and to not worry because You are ultimately in control, but can't You give me a little hint of what You want with my life? I'm tying to follow You and to do Your will but it's so rough and dark. I feel like I'm wandering around.. lost in the desert. Thirsty and hungry for more of You, Jesus.

This is where it gets good, sweet child. I LOVE the book of Isaiah for this reason: He conveys the hope we have in Christ. Not just some God, but THE God who desires to know us and love us intimately.

Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, people in exchange for your life. Isaiah 43:4

I, the LORD, have called You in righteousness, and will hold Your hand; I will keep You and give You as a covenant to the people, as a light to the Gentiles. Isaiah 42:6

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16

Isaiah 42:6 is God talking to Jesus.. But I like to think of it as a Daddy writing a letter to His Son. Or daughter :) It's such a precious thought of God holding Jesus' hand. I like to think He wants to hold mine and lead me in His way. A lot of time we question, "Why me?" "God.. why is this happening?" I think a lot of things are unclear to us a lot is so that we depend on God. HE is our strength. HE is our hope. HE is our life, because His love is better than life! God leads us with blind eyes, taking our hands and saying, "Follow me." He doesn't tell us where we are going or what exactly that means, but that's where faith comes in. He is holding our hand.. Our eyes are closed and we notice things are rough.. We get hurt. We get confused. We want answers to our problems immediately. But He is quietly whispering.. Hold on. It's dark. It's cold. It's lonely. You can't see anything. You don't know where you are or what's happening.. Take heart. Keep the faith. He is making the rough place smooth.. and The darkness is turning to light, because He is the light to us! He is revealing Himself to us.

SO.. Take heart. Even when you feel lost, unloved, misunderstood, angry, depressed, and alone. Because God is taking you somewhere special.. He's holding your hand.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.