Patience my love.

The past few weeks have been filled with waiting. Waiting on answered prayers. Waiting on direction from the Lord. Waiting to hear if I had a job. Waiting to find the right car. Waiting for this season of loneliness to pass. Waiting for God to heal, orchestrate, and weave my desires into His will. 

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

But, the thing is, I'm not really the waiting type of person. When I want something, I normally go out and get it. If I don't like how something is going, I go fix it. I don't like sitting around and waiting for something to happen. I guess you could say patience and I aren't much of friends. I value patience, but I don't necessarily like it. 

After an accumulation of waiting for small things, I got a bit angry with God. Things haven't necessarily gone my way this year. The simple fact is that some things are out of my control and in God's, but when that reality hits me in the face, I tend to get frustrated that I can't do anything about it.

God and I had a short conversation, and after me doing all the talking, I told Him I was mad at Him and that I wasn't going to talk to Him until I got what I wanted. Really mature, I know. But at that point in time my heart was really hurting and I was simply frustrated with my circumstances. I just wanted a break.

Patience was a reminder like the throbbing of a fresh wound. It hurt.

And, after a week or two of being angry and stubborn with God, I apologised. We sat and had a long chat, in which I finally shut up and listened to His heart. Listening to His heart beat for me overpowered the pain of my hurting heart, and I realised patience was for my good. Because He adores me.

I'm not going to pretend like I've got everything together. I'm definitely not going to pretend like my relationship with God is always peaches and cream, or that I don't get upset, angry or hurt at times either. But I do know that He is in control, and that even when things don't go my way, they are going for my good. And in that I can rest, and enjoy patience.

If you're in a season of waiting I want to encourage you to wait with God. Don't run away from Him because things aren't going your way or you aren't getting what you want. Allow your lack of control to motivate yourself to lean into Him more. Listen to His heart beat for you. Know the truth to change your impatient heart: He absolutely adores you as His son or daughter. He is working on your behalf. Wait with Him.

Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides You, who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him. Isaiah 64:4

He tends His flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those who have young. Do you not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning? Have you not understood since the earth was founded? "To whom will you compare Me? Or who is My equal?" says the Holy One. Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? Who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of His great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Isaiah 40:11, 21, 25-26

Our God created the heavens, galaxies, earth - everything, all the way down to the atoms that you are made of. He created the stars, and calls every single one of them by name. Who can you compare Him to? Yet this is the same God who tells you that He carries you close to His heart, in His arms, tending to you and leading you. This is the God who promises you that if you wait, He will act on your behalf. 

When you're waiting, lift your eyes and look to the heavens. Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith, and know that God is working for your good.

Patience my love.