Unfaithful.

Unfaithful. Adulteress. Vile. Guilty. This is the wife I've been to Christ. Unfaithful, because He seeks me and chases me, loving me with all the love in the world, yet I worship idols rather than Him. Adulteress, because He gives me life, food, health, and breath. He sustains me and cares for me. He desires simply to have a relationship with me but I desire love from anyone but Him. Vile, because my life and sin in His eyes is unbearable and heart breaking. It's atrocious and nauseating, causing His wrath to be toward me. Guilty, because my sin is undeniable. My need for Christ is undeniable. The fact that He is worthy and that He is Lord is undeniable.

Hear the word of the LORD, you Israelites, because the LORD has a charge to bring against you who live in the land: "There is no faithfulness, no love, no acknowledgment of God in the land." Hosea 4:1

The LORD said to me, "Go show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her the way the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes." Hosea 3:1 

Woe to them, because they have strayed from Me! Destruction to them, because they have rebelled against Me! I long to redeem them but they speak lies against Me. Hosea 6:13

My people are determined to turn from Me. Even if they call to the Most High, He will by no means exalt them. How can I give you up? How can I hand you over? How can I treat you like Admah? How can I make you like Zebolim? My heart is changed within Me; all my compassion is aroused. I will not carry out my fierce anger, nor will I turn and devastate you. For I am God, and not man- the Holy One among you. I will not come in wrath. Hosea 11:7-9

I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them. Hosea 11:4

But you must return to your God; maintain love and justice, and wait for your God always. Hosea 12:6

Oh how Christ seeks after you. He will never relent. He will pursue you every second of every day, even when you are determined not to accept His love. But eventually you will realize it is Him who bends down to feed and love you. It is Him who desires and longs to redeem you from your sinful life. Return to your God and wait from Him always, because He waited for you. 

What if?

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. James 1:5-8

What if God calls me to live full time in Africa?

What if He asks me to leave all my family and friends and go to a place where I know ONE person?

What if God tells me to enroll in college in South Africa?

What if God tells me to forsake everything but Him and my relationship with Him?

What if He says, "Use all your money..but don't fret about it, I have it all under control."

Or "Yeah..you won't fit in there at all. I didn't fit in with My own creation either."

What if this is the last season of fall that I will experience in these mountains?

What if God asks me not to buy another car?

What if I just want my life to be "normal"? 

What if I'm scared to death of leaving?

What if I have doubts that this trip will fall through like the last one?

What if I'm not able to learn well over there, since it's a completely different country?

What if I don't have enough time to graduate early?

What if God is telling me to throw all my "what if's" out the window and to hold unswervingly to Him because He has promised me, and He is faithful.

So, I'm going to stop with my "what if's" and hold onto the fact that I'm going to Africa. I trust that God is completely capable of providing my every need and will prepare me in every way possible. The Lord has already been preparing me in so many different and difficult ways and I'm begging that you pray for me through this time. It's crazy how the thing I am most scared of is the biggest desire of my heart.

The LORD had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you." Genesis 12:1

Beautiful disaster.

I wish I could sit here and confidently write that the story of my life is all about a young woman who is fearless. That I very rarely make mistakes, and when I do I always learned my lesson right away. I'm organized and always on time. I never complain and I always have a good attitude. I take huge risks and trust God immensely with every part of my life and I would never dare question His will for my life.

If you know me, you'd be laughing at that last paragraph.

This is the real story of my life: I am fearful of many many many things. I am constantly making mistakes day in and day out, and most of the time I have to be hit over the head a few times until I learn my lesson. My life is a mess, I'm constantly going or doing something. I never manage to be on time unless I'm a few hours early. I complain about almost everything that doesn't go my way and I can be a very grumpy person more often than not. I like to stay in my comfort zone and trust God with the small parts of my life so I don't have to experience discomfort or pain. I question His will for my life every single day, sometimes hourly.

BUT thankfully, my life isn't about me. It's a story about redemption and an unconditional love that will never relent. It's all about a God who sees my fear, and uses His Holy Spirit to push me to overcome my fears so that His love will be made perfect in me. My mistakes show His grace and that even when I push myself away from Him, He died for me anyways. That's true love. Even when my life is a complete wreck His peace is powerful in my life. With every complaint I utter, God reminds me that He is enough for me. He is enough to satisfy everyone. Who am I to not be joyful about that? Who am I to question God's plans? Who am I to not trust Him with my life?

I'm nobody. I'm a mess. I'm a disaster. I can't do anything right. I make endless mistakes and get myself into huge perdicaments. I'm rotten and spoiled. I don't trust and I don't love. And all of those things are what make my life story all about God. He chose me. He used my nothingness to show that He is something! He took my life and made it beautiful. I'm His mess and His disaster. He is molding me by my mistakes and pruning me of my rotten and spoiled outlook on life. He is softening my heart to trust Him in a way unimaginable. I'm learning how to fall in love.

I don't want to know what my life would be without You Lord. I don't want to run away from what You've called me to. I want to fall so madly in love with You that I chase after you, even though that means I have to lose my life. I pour my life out completely to You. I'll give You all of me, so that it won't be my life but Yours.


But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. Philippians 2:17

221.

I've never experienced death more than I have in the past 5 days. It has rocked my world. As I watched a friend say farewell to his unresponsive mother, I wished I could take her place and make his pain disapear. As I saw my best friend's world torn apart, I wanted to cradle her and her family in my arms like a child. I was in shock. I AM in shock. Yet, the pain I feel is not even a fraction compared to what the families feel. But the pain they feel is not even a thousandth of a fraction of how God felt toward His Son.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Hebrews 4:!5

There is a big difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy is to understand the feelings someone is experiencing and to relate it to another situation you have gone through. Empathy is to vicariously take the feelings of another on yourself and to feel them in their situation as if it was happening to you, even if they haven't communicated their feelings to you.

I so badly wish it could have been me. I wish I could have taken Derrick's place and allowed him to live. I wish I could have taken Jerry's place, and let a mother love her son for just a few more years. Jesus didn't just wish He could take our place, He DID take our place. He saw the destiny we had. He saw our complete destruction due to our sin. He saw the veil that divided us from God. And He came to tear that veil from top to bottom, so that we would no longer be separated from God. He saw our death, and took it upon Himself. Not just your death, but every single death of every single person who has ever lived on this earth. Thank you Lord that You didn't just sympathize with us, but that You empathized our desperation and took it upon Yourself.

Jesus sees the pain and hopelessness you have on this earth. He wants to pick you up in His arms, cradle you and wipe away your tears. He wants to rock you until you settle down and trust Him. He wants to kiss you on the forehead and tell you He loves you. HE LOVES YOU. He died for you, so that when death came... it would have no power over you. If you have never thought of this before, it is something very serious that needs to be considered. Death isn't the fear. Death isn't your final destination. Heaven or Hell is your final destination, and that is based on if you've know God through out your life. You can't just claim God, or call yourself a Christian, but you must allow God to establish Himself and give you a new self in the deepest part of your heart. Be careful then, how you live, now that you know what death looks like. Don't be unwise, but wise and realize that your days are numbered and evil. Make the most of every opportunity like it may be your last. Don't be foolish and know what God's will is!

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Ephesians 5:!5-17

I love you Uncle Derrick. I love you Jerry Saad. Rest in peace and give Jesus a big hug for me. Please please please continue to pray for these families. I love you all.

Our Mission.

A good man produces good out of the good storeroom of his heart. An evil man produces evil out of the evil storeroom, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart. Luke 6:45

God told me a while ago that I was going to Africa. I didn't understand it, I was scared of it, but I couldn't shake what He told me. I still can't. I jumped. Patience just isn't my thing. I thought I was following God's will. I just made MY own plans a little too quickly, instead of trusting and having faith in the One who has my every day planned out. But like I've said many times before, I learned my lesson. My trip got canceled. We were days away from buying the tickets and a riot broke out where I was going to stay. God said wait, and OH did it hurt.

During that time of pain I sought Him. From the overflow of a broken heart, God spoke sweetly to me and simply said, "Look."

God opened my eyes to the fact that I am in love with people I don't even know, miles and miles away, but I'm not in love with the people I work and go to school with every day. He revealed to me that my mission is not just a place, but that it is people. I'm taking each day as a gift, and focusing on what Jesus wants to do in my life and the lives around me.

The picture up there is actually a 5 day devotion written all about being missionaries to our communities. God is so good to us and the least we can do in return is share Him with others. I mean, we are commanded to make disciples of all nations... :) (If you'd like more info, e-mail me at corinspinazzola@gmail.com and I can get you one of these devotionals.)

I'm still believing God and trusting that His ways are higher than my ways, His thoughts higher than my thoughts.. I know I will go to Africa. I just don't know all the little details, and I'm thankful I don't. I want to depend and lean on my Daddy. Please continue to pray for all nations, all missionaries, and all that are being sent. Pray that the Lord would have His will done above all, and that His name would receive all the glory and fame in the process. Thank you!

Your every moment is in His Book.

It's hard to get it through my thick head that not everything is going to go my way. I make all these plans and most of the time expect God to fulfill exactly what I desire. HAHA! Not how it works Corina. I learned it the hard way this time. My plans fell through, and it hurt. I was mad and confused. Why? "God, can't You just do this for me? Just this time?" No is all I heard. I couldn't help but feel like a failure. Who am I to know God's will? I truly thought this was it. I felt incapable, embarrassed, and doubtful. How would I have the courage to take any more "leaps of faith" like this one? "God, I want to hear You." And the whole time He was saying, "No...no...no...no. Baby girl, you've got it all wrong. You aren't truly listening to Me. Look at this, just try to imagine with your limited mind, that I have your life in My hands. I have every single moment written in my Book of Life. You are not capable of knowing and or understanding My will. Just trust Me. I love you, I'll take good care of you."

You may be questioning what's happening in your life. You may have all these loveLy plans, but nothing seems to happen the way you'd like. I understand how bad it hurts. Have faith beloved. God is in control.

Look at the nations and watch—
and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days
that you would not believe,
even if you were told. Habakkuk 1:5

Lord, I have heard of Your fame;
I stand in awe of Your deeds, Lord.
Repeat them in our day,
in our time make them known;
in wrath remember mercy. Habakkuk 3:2

Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16

Remember these. I've clung so tightly to these verses the past few weeks. He is always in control and has a greater plan for us then we will ever be able to perceive. His ways are higher than our ways, His thoughts higher than our thoughts. Cling to God today.

Keep your eyes out the next few days, God has brought something beautiful from this situation. Don't worry, I won't leave you hanging much longer. I'll explain everything that happened. :)

My life.

As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” John 9:1-5

I'm adopted. I think most of you who read this know that. My life as a child was...different. It was not the "norm" but now-a-days it seems to be the new normal. My parents never got married, and I was a surprise baby. As I grew up, my Dad came in and out of my life. My mom was a single mom trying to support her family. Her being diagnosed with OCD made things worse, and extremely tough on the both of us. A lot of things happened as a child, I have some vivid memories. A lot of men came to my house at night, and my mom spent a lot of late nights out. I remember waking up in the middle of the night to my mom sleeping by the toilet. There was a lot of screaming, hitting, and police visits in the middle of the night. Eventually I went to live with my dad. I was on the verge of being a teenager, and man oh man I got myself into a lot of crap. I started shop lifting, smoking, drinking, and hanging out with the wrong crowd, mainly the wrong guys. I witnessed a lot of drinking and drugs at home. Most people laugh and think I'm joking when I tell them I've done drugs. I've had nights full of running from the police, and getting caught.

Since all of this, I've come to know Christ personally. He is my best friend, honestly my only true and faithful friend. Less than a year after I got saved the Kamber's got 2 year custody of me and I turned 18 last week.

I realize these things happened so that the work of God would be displayed in my life. But it hurts! I can't even describe the pain. I haven't talked to my mom in a little over a year. Not because she doesn't want to, but because I don't know what to say.

Mom and Dad, if either of you are reading this I want you to know that I love you. I do from the bottom of my heart. I know I may not have shown you recently that I love you, but I always will. NO MATTER WHAT. Nothing that has happened will determine how much I love you. I love you both as high as the sky, and all the way up to Jesus. I also want you to know that I'm not writing these things to make you look bad, but to show you that God allowed all of this to happen to us so that He can reveal Himself to us. He wants to use us to show His glory to the world.

In Cars 2, Mater is given the chance to have all of his dents taken out. But he replies that he doesn't want them taken out, because they are memories to him. They have shaped him and made him into who he is now. Even though my "dents" have hurt me, they are who I am. I've learned from them, I've overcome them. Jesus has healed me and allowed me to use them for His glory. This happened so that the work of God might be displayed in my life.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

In view of..

God's mercy.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God- this is your spiritual act of worship. Romans 12:1

In view of God's mercy... How can I not try to please my God with my life?

In view of God's mercy... How can I not show gratitude towards Him, when He has given everything for me?

In view of God's mercy... When we truly consider how His mercy was shown and what it has done to our lives, how can we respond in any less of a way than "Here I am, Lord send me." Hands held high, opened wide, and full of surrender.

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" Isaiah 6:8

Then Noah built an alter to the LORD and, taking some of all the clean animals and clean birds, He sacrificed burnt offerings on it. The LORD smelled the pleasing aroma and said in His heart, "Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though all inclination of his heart is evil from childhood. And never again will I destroy all living creatures, as I have done. Genesis 8:20, 21

God, how wonderful You are! PLEASE let my sacrifice to You be a pleasing aroma.. Let it cause Your heart to remember Your promises and Your covenant to all of mankind. Let it bring a smile to Your face, Jesus.

Take heart!

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wastelands. Isaiah 43:18-19

"This dry and desert land. I tell myself keep walking on..." All My Fountains, by Chris Tomlin

Have you been having a hard time with life lately? Been confused? Feel alone and like no one understands? Wondering what's next? What is God doing? WHY is He letting this happen?

You might be asking... Why did my boyfriend break up with me? Everything seemed fine. I really cared about him and told him I'd wait for him. But then out of no where he said he didn't want to be with me anymore.

And..How come my dad doesn't care about me the way the other dad's do. He never spent time with me when I was little and still doesn't try to today. I just want him to love me.

Or...I hate being sick. I never get to do normal things. I'm in constant pain and absolutely no one understands. I wish I could just get better and then things would go back to the way they were.. WHY ME?

This is what I'm asking.. God what are you doing? I know You love me and make all things work together for my good.. But why this way? I'm trying to trust You and to not worry because You are ultimately in control, but can't You give me a little hint of what You want with my life? I'm tying to follow You and to do Your will but it's so rough and dark. I feel like I'm wandering around.. lost in the desert. Thirsty and hungry for more of You, Jesus.

This is where it gets good, sweet child. I LOVE the book of Isaiah for this reason: He conveys the hope we have in Christ. Not just some God, but THE God who desires to know us and love us intimately.

Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, people in exchange for your life. Isaiah 43:4

I, the LORD, have called You in righteousness, and will hold Your hand; I will keep You and give You as a covenant to the people, as a light to the Gentiles. Isaiah 42:6

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16

Isaiah 42:6 is God talking to Jesus.. But I like to think of it as a Daddy writing a letter to His Son. Or daughter :) It's such a precious thought of God holding Jesus' hand. I like to think He wants to hold mine and lead me in His way. A lot of time we question, "Why me?" "God.. why is this happening?" I think a lot of things are unclear to us a lot is so that we depend on God. HE is our strength. HE is our hope. HE is our life, because His love is better than life! God leads us with blind eyes, taking our hands and saying, "Follow me." He doesn't tell us where we are going or what exactly that means, but that's where faith comes in. He is holding our hand.. Our eyes are closed and we notice things are rough.. We get hurt. We get confused. We want answers to our problems immediately. But He is quietly whispering.. Hold on. It's dark. It's cold. It's lonely. You can't see anything. You don't know where you are or what's happening.. Take heart. Keep the faith. He is making the rough place smooth.. and The darkness is turning to light, because He is the light to us! He is revealing Himself to us.

SO.. Take heart. Even when you feel lost, unloved, misunderstood, angry, depressed, and alone. Because God is taking you somewhere special.. He's holding your hand.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

Something MORE.

I haven't blogged in what seems like forever! Life has been super busy, and I'm trying to take the time to slow down and relax. I feel like I have a million things to write about but I don't know where to start.

God has taught me SO much within the last month. I've been reading the book Radical by David Platt.. all I know to say is.. WOW. I'm almost scared to try and explain this book because I know I can't do it any justice. Basically David takes Scripture and elaborates on it and the Holy Spirit has filled this book with amazing insight. Personally it has brought a whole new light to the Bible and the way I spend my time with God. The book talks about how so many people are in poverty. extreme poverty, and we (I) am worried about my sports, my clothes, my car, etc.. Notice "MY" is used a lot? America has put the emphasis on ourselves rather than others.. the whole definition of the American Dream is to further ourselves. YET 26,000 children die every day because they have no food in their bellies or they have a disease that is easily preventable. I just want to try and put that into perspective for you, for me.. The population estimate for Union County Georgia was 21,252 people in 2009. That would be equivalent to every single person living in Union County dying in ONE day. Wow? Also, almost half of the world lives on less than 2 dollars a day. 2 DOLLARS. My mind is blown away by these numbers. I am so convicted by the amount of my possessions and how I have been stewarding my time and money. Life is not all about ME having a good time.. but about me being used by God to meet needs in my school, in my community, in my country and to the ends of this earth.

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all of Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth. Acts 1:8

And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" Romans 10:15 Thanks Jenna :)

Now, I can't stop thinking about those babies. Those sweet little babies in other countries of the world who are less fortunate. I am the queen of wasting food, and now it breaks my heart when I throw away uneaten food. I can't stop thinking about it. Every sip of clean water, I think of the water they drink.. My toilet water is more clean than some of the water they have, but most have none! My bed, my endless amounts of clothes, my hot shower, my many many pairs of shoes, my car, the amount of money in my bank account. They all make me sick thinking of those babies.

A lot of you reading this won't understand what I mean. You'll think I'm being ridiculous, or over-reacting. I don't know how to explain to you what Christ has revealed to me. That is the best I can do.

God has shown me His heart. How He loves us.. How He desires for us to get over ourselves, to look past ourselves and at the greater need right around us. Our brothers and sisters are in need. I'm struggling right now with how to focus on the little things. I'm struggling right now with realizing the people all around me are in desperate need for more of Christ. At school my goal is to not look down at the floor when I walk past someone in the hall, but to look up in love and have the courage to look someone in the eye and simply say hello. "It's the bread and cheese." The little things matter so much. I want to live this truth out in my life.. but it's still about getting over myself and out of my comfort zone.

Please pray for me, I've had a lot of AWESOME opportunities opened up to me and right now I'm just praying the Lord's perfect will in my life. I want to follow Him obediently. Please pray for my friend, Jenna who is going to Uganda next fall for four months. She needs our support financially and in prayer. There is more info here at: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=161847787209010

But that gift of grace involves the gift of a new heart. New desires. Ne longings. For the first time, we want God. We see our need for Him, and we love Him. We seek after Him, and we find Him, and we discover that He is indeed the great reward of our salvation. We realize that we are not saved just to be forgiven of our sins or to be assured of our eternity in Heaven, but we are saved to know God. So we yearn for Him. We want Him so much that we abandon everything else to experience Him. This is the only proper response to the revelation of God in the gospel. Radical, by David Platt

Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. Psalm 73:25

You Overcame.

Recently, in about the past month, God has been showing me little glimpses of what He is calling me to do in life. At first I was really excited, and then as things started to fall into place and His will got closer and more real, I started to get really scared. Like, panic attack, hyperventilating scared.

Here's the deal.. I'm extremely scared of public speaking. Even public reading! It's crazy, I know. But for some reason I get nervous about speaking or reading in front of people. I guess it's the idea of all the attention being placed on myself. I've thought and thought and I've tried so hard to figure out WHY but no answers have come. I remember one time specifically this year that I will not be able to forget. One of my teachers, who is a little wacky, picked on me to read in class. I told her I get really nervous, but she made me read. I kept telling myself, "being uncomfortable helps me grow" but that didn't change my breathing patterns or my heart rate. By the end of the paragraph I was reading one word, deep breath, one word, deep breath, stutter one word, breath... end. I looked up and every eye was on me. She stared at me in shock, and said "Well that was interesting.." I hated reading. I would always get called on, push myself to do it, but people would stare at me with shock on their face. I tried breathing patterns, I tried praying, but I was almost inconsolable. It made no sense to me! But I was told to keep reading.

I had felt God's calling on my life that I would one day speak in front of a significant amount of people. I don't know who, I don't know when, I don't know how many.. but I believe Him. I got excited too. How cool! What a cool calling that He has put on my life, and then things started changing and He started pushing me into it. And I didn't like it one bit! I learned what it felt like to argue with God.

In FCA, we decided to do a meeting for the first time ever at the Middle School. Just to disciple them, get them started and established. Monday night, 2 weeks before the meeting God spoke to me to share my testimony. I texted the girl in charge and told her I would without even realizing the commitment I had just made. I realized it in the morning though, that's for sure. I had headaches every night before bed for a week straight. I felt I was in a constant argument with God about how I was NOT speaking in front of those kids. I made up every excuse in the book. I wasn't ready, I wasn't prepared, I needed to learn more, I needed more practice.. Blah blah blah.

This is where it gets really stinking awesome. My devotion for Tuesday morning was about not fitting in, which is exactly what I was going to speak about at FCA. That afternoon I met with my Mentor. I explained to her what was going on, and she had a book for me. It was a book full of little segment devotions written by Max Lucado. The specific I was supposed to read was about lights. The power had gone out at Max's house, and he went outside to get candles. The candles started talking to him.. and the closer he got to taking the candles inside the more they attempted to convince him that they weren't ready to be lights. They weren't ready for that responsibly. They needed more preparation. They hadn't finished reading the book about how to be a light. They wanted more time to practice. Every excuse I had pulled was right there in solid words straight from God. I was blown away. The next day, Wednesday at church we started a new series by Francis Chan called... Courage, Standing Firm. I was so mad at God. Uhg, why couldn't He just leave me alone and pick someone else!! The whole lesson was about standing alone. Francis spoke just a little about Jeremiah and what he had gone through. Once again, the next day, Thursday (the day before FCA) my morning devotion was about... guess who!? Jeremiah. Mind you, this devotion is completely separate from the series we started the night before. AND.. guess what the main verse was.. I was over the annoyance with God and sent into a shock of awe when I read this: But if I say I'll never mention the LORD or speak in his name, his word burns in my heart like a fire. It's like a fire in my bones! I am worn out trying to hold it in! I can't do it! Jeremiah 20:9

I still hadn't surrendered myself. Friday morning I woke up at 5:30 in the morning and prayed until 7. I was weary. I was tired and I was still in the battle. Between 7 and 7:40 I had already cried twice. The second time I was on the verge of a panic attack, and I'm not just using that term to exaggerate my emotions, that is truly what it was. Sarah spoke me through both of my "attacks", she kept explaining that all I had to do was surrender, deny myself, because God declared what was going to happen. I didn't until 2 minutes before. She told me I didn't have to be happy about obeying God, but I was going to do it either way. She stomped right out of the bathroom and all I could do was follow her. I sat there, my turn came, and... it all happened. God gave me words and AIR! I don't remember stuttering, or loosing my breath, or shaking. It was so refreshing. God used me. GOD used ME. When I was done, it took all my strength to keep the tears of joy from overflowing!

I can't wait to be used by God more. I love the growth. I love Him!

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death. Revelation 12:11

I'm in LOVE with YOU! :)

Mountains and valleys, The ups and the downs I go through. I will rejoice in You, Jesus no matter the view. So I'm singing out from the depths of my heart. I'm singing out at the top of my lungs. I'm in love with You. Canyons will echo my voice, screaming Hallelujah. Oh, what a beautiful noise. Glory to God in the highest from down here below. Jesus my Savior, Your name is the sound of my hope. So I'm singing out from the depths of my heart. I'm singing out at the top of my lungs, lifting You high! I'm in love with You Canyons will echo my voice, screaming Hallelujah. Oh, what a beautiful noise. The sound of Your name I long to hear. It's music to my ears, I'm in love with You. 'Cause canyons will echo my voice screaming Halle, Hallelujah! I'm in love with You, canyons will echo my voice. Screaming Hallelujah. Oh, what a beautiful noise. 

Dear...You,

Dear Future Husband,

I surely do miss you. I'm not really sure who you are though. The closer Valentine's day gets, the more I think about you. I wonder what you'll be like, will you have a goofy laugh or say "dumb" jokes? What kind of job will you have? I hope you like sports. I want you to know that I pray for you. I've decided to wait for you. I'm devoted to giving God my full heart, and when it is the right time, He will give you my heart to take care of. Patience is tough, but I am convinced His timing is perfect. I hope you are praying and waiting for me too. I can't wait to hear about your life and your dreams. I hope you know that I love you, even though I don't know your name. Please wait for me.

Love Your Future Wife,
Corina

For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is His name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth. Isaiah 54:5

Completely Unrestrained.

These words are so powerful and exactly what I'm crying out to God. Please listen :)

The Ultimate Comforter :)

Sometimes I feel so alone, like nobody understands me or wants to understand me. I can't put words to the feeling that overwhelms me at times. I hate it! I don't like feeling lonely. Who does? "I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your Word reveals." These words always pop into my brain when I get lost in my "feelings." I force myself to run to God.. because guess what? God gets me. It's as simple as that. He just understands me. I don't have to try to explain to Him this.. or that, He just knows. I love that! Thank you Lord for getting me! :)

So if and when you feel alone, remember that... GOD GETS YOU! And He loves you, so very very much.

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

Am I Grasping For The Wind?

Scotty, my Youth Pastor, asked us to write our own Eulogy for class.. along with that we were asked to read the first seven chapters of Ecclesiastes. I pray and beg God that this is His will for me. I so desire to make a huge difference in this world by speaking to people and sharing my story and His love! Here is my Eulogy:

Corina Anne Spinazzola was a woman who sought God. At the age of 15 she met God and He made His home in her heart. Before that day her life had been polluted by mental illnesses, distorting her view of love. Just months later a family rescued her and made her their daughter. They demonstrated God's love in the way that He adopts His children, how He doesn't leave us as orphans. Many struggles arose and they came together and journeyed into the healing and restoration God had planned for her. As she transformed from a girl into a woman God put a burden on her heart to help others in desperate situations, to share with the world the richness and justice of a life filled with God's presence. The irony is that as a teenager in high school she had extreme fear of public speaking, even reading from the textbook in class would send her into a panic attack. Yet, the fear was overcome when God challenged her to speak in front of her Sunday school class which, led into speaking to hundreds and thousands of different people around the world. She truly desired to love God above all. With her gone I ask this question. What was Corina Anne Spinazzola remembered for? I know she would not want to be remembered as someone grasping for the wind, but someone who made a difference in the world for the kingdom of God.

I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and indeed, all is vanity and grasping for the wind. Ecclesiastes 1:14

Please pray for me people! I'm seeking and asking God that this be His will for me. I'd really appreciate your prayers also.

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24