While sitting on the all too familiar chair, talking and listening and seeing the familiar face of one of my favourite people in the whole wide world, I experienced something so absolutely beautiful I almost opened the flood gates of heaven! Yep. Right there in the middle of cooking dinner and catching up, God displayed His love, affection, and His desires to my heart! Grace, Sarah's 3 year old daughter put a veil on her head and flowers in her hand and walked around, glistening with pride and awaiting the approval of her mother and father. They both showered her with love, repeatedly telling her how beautiful she was. Grace then proceeded to go into the living room and danced around to the song her aunt had just recently danced to at her wedding. Her daddy went and danced with her, picking her up in his arms and swaying back and forth. Grace's face lit up and she kept telling her daddy how much she loved dancing with him. I was enamoured by this beautiful picture before my eyes. Sarah looked at me and whispered sweetly, "It'll be worth the wait." I was holding back my tears the best I could. It was absolutely beautiful.
Earlier that afternoon my daddy and I were talking. I was fidgeting with my ring, as I tend to do, and it fell through the cushions and planted itself under the couch. I bent down, and began looking for my ring. I wasn't expecting any help, but here comes my daddy right next to me, on his knees also, with a flash light in hand. It may seem little, but in that moment my hero was right there with me, helping me find my ring and assisting me in any way possible. I can't explain how loved I felt in that moment. This man has "saved" me from so many big things, and he loves me enough to get down on his knees with me and do the little things too. Him and I kept a conversation going after this, but all I could think about was how amazing he was to me, and how he truly is my hero.
These two men displayed an absolutely beautiful picture of my Heavenly Hero, my Heavenly Prince. You see, I want to get married. And at one point I was so unsatisfied with all that God was, because my eyes were fixed on earthly satisfaction and blinded to the deep reality of all that He truly is. I thought having someone in my life would fill my heart and make me whole. Come to find out, that's not quite true. If we continually expect humans to fill us in a way that only God can, we are left empty and those humans break under such a weighty expectation. Satisfaction in all that God is for us in Jesus brings such an indescribable freedom. You don't expect to be emotionally filled by other people, because the unfailing love of God is your source, and in return those people won't buckle under your unrealistic hopes. When we find satisfaction in God, we are freed and also free those around us.
A few months ago God showed me that I needed to be fully satisfied in Him. I knew that, but it almost felt like I was being teased. It took a lot of time and effort. I still struggle on a daily basis. I had to battle lies that told me I needed other people or things to satisfy me, I had to reprogram my mind to think biblically and to raise Scripture as truth in my heart and mind, and I needed a lot of courage and strength to revisit some uncomfortable circumstances that I had been through. But God worked so greatly in my heart. I can stand and say that I know what true satisfaction in Christ is, and it surpasses anything and everything I've ever experienced! I'm so thankful that the Lord has taught me this now! One day I'll be able to love my husband with unconditional love. I won't expect him to fill me up, but I know that his love for me will be added to the love that God has for me, and my cup will overflow.
My heart was made for His. I know that I can jump in His arms and dance around for hours, absolutely and completely content in His arms and with who He is. I know that I can find all the desires of my heart fulfilled in the embrace of this God-man Jesus. It's not just about learning to be content with Him because I don't have a husband or a boyfriend, but knowing deeply that in every hour, day and season of my life, Christ is absolutely enough. One day I will have a husband who will dance around the living room with our children, and he will open doors for me, remind me of who I am in Christ and lead our family to do the will of God - none of that will fill me, but will continually remind me of the amazing love that God reflects through marriage and family. One day my children will be in basic, every-day situations and look up at their father, just as I did, and see the love of Christ represented with so much grace. The only relationship that can truly satisfy our heart is our relationship with Christ. All other relationships simply display a fragment of His love to us.
Christ is the ultimate prize.
He is my portion. He is my all in all.
Since I get to wait with Him, rather than on Him, it'll be more than worth the wait.