Teach Us.

LORD, Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12 BECAUSE, We do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is our life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. James 4:14 AND THANKFULLY, The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever. Isaiah 40:8

ULTIMATELY, Be very careful, then, how we live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Ephesians 5:15-17

True Love..

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is His name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth. Isaiah 54:5

Before I even start writing, I want to let you know that this blog is going to be very hard to write, and to organize and put into understandable words rather than my crazy thoughts. Please bear with me.

Here I go.. Dating. Boys. Crushes. The life of a teenage girl! So many girls feel that their worth or value is found by how a boy feels toward or treats them. I can attest to this. Honestly, what girl can't? I've talked to so many girls and I've heard many stories of girls who have had their heart "broken" because they placed their worth and trust in a guy. "Been there, done that, wore those sweat pants."

So, here is my view on dating. You might be surprised and kind of confused but I promise I'll do my best to explain. I don't think dating, personally, is the best thing for me right now. And to some of you who know me, you know that I've made a commitment to God not to date in high school. I've even gone as far as to not read books with love stories in them, or watch love movies. I'm basically trying to abstain from any sort of worldly portrait of love that will corrupt my view of true love. It's been VERY hard. I've had to skip out on birthday parties, on group sleep overs and a bunch of other things where girls get together and watch those kinds of movies. Not that it's wrong for everyone, but personally I can't handle them. I'm the kind of person who thinks about things a LOT. If I watch a love movie or read a story I will think and idolize that person for hours even weeks on end. I know that may sound a little creepy, but I'm betting I'm not the only one. Here are the two main reasons I've decided this is best for me. 

1)INFATUATION
I can honestly say at times, most of the time, I place the thought (since I'm not actually in a relationship) of having a relationship with a boy before God, making the thought an idol. That's where it truly becomes a problem and that's why I made a commitment to God and am trying to stick to it, "fixing our eyes on Jesus."

"Anything I put before my God is an idol. Anything I want with all my heart is an idol. Anything I can't stop thinking of is an idol. Anything that I give all of my love is an idol. We must not worship something that's not even worth it. Clear the stage and make some space for the One who deserves it." This is a song called Clear the Stage by Ross King. The lyrics bring conviction to my heart. 

“You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments." Exodus 20:3-6 

     

Just to be clear, God is not jealous of us, He is jealous for us. He sees the motives of our hearts and recognizes when we displace Him as God. He sets these commands because He wants the best for us, and He knows that when anyone places their value in anything but Him, they will be broken. He is our Maker, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith. When we place our hearts, our desires, our longings in His hands, he perfects us. He shows His love to a thousand generations! 

2)SELF-SACRIFICE
"Relationships with the opposite sex can no longer be about 'having a good time' or 'learning what I want in a relationship.' They're not to be about getting, but giving. Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person like God has loved us. To lay down our desires and do what's in his or her best interest. To care for him or her even when there's nothing in it for us. To want that person's purity and holiness because it pleases God and protects him or her." Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye 

Sunlight poured through the stained-glass windows, and the gentle music of a string quartet filled the air. Anna walked down the aisle toward David. Joy surged within her. This was the moment for which she had waited so long. He gently took her hand, and they turned toward the altar. But as the minister began to lead Anna and David through their vows, the unthinkable happened. A girl stood up in the middle of the congregation, waled quietly to the altar, and took David's other hand. Another girl approached and stood next to the first, followed by another. Soon, a chain of six girls stood by him as he repeated his vows to Anna.  Anna felt her lip begin to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes. "Is this some kind of joke?" she whispered to David. "I'm...I'm sorry, Anna, he said, staring at the floor.  "Who are these girls, David? What's going on?" she gasped. "They're girls from my past," he answered sadly. "Anna, they don't mean anything to me now...but I've given part of my heart to each of them."  "I thought your heart was mine," she said. "It is, it is," he pleaded. "Everything that's left is yours." A tear rolled down Anna's cheek. Then she woke up.

This story breaks my heart. I so badly want to give my husband my whole heart, but I know I've already given part of myself away. Not necessarily physically, but mentally and emotionally. I was thinking about it just today in the car. I wish it would be as simple as knowing who I was going to marry and being able to give my whole heart to him. If only it was that easy, but it's not. I need to devote myself to waiting patiently for that person, and praying for my own purity and his. 

This is going to be the most important thing I write.. Please listen to how awesome this is! In Ezekiel 16:4-19 God is speaking specifically to Jerusalem. I think we can take this and relate it to what He says to us:
    On the day you were born your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to make you clean, nor were you rubbed with salt or wrapped in cloths. No one looked on you with pity or had compassion enough to do any of these things for you. Rather, you were thrown out into the open field, for on the day you were born you were despised.
    “‘Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your naked body. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign LORD, and you became mine. 

    “‘I bathed you with water and washed the blood from you and put ointments on you. I clothed you with an embroidered dress and put sandals of fine leather on you. I dressed you in fine linen and covered you with costly garments. I adorned you with jewelry: I put bracelets on your arms and a necklace around your neck, and I put a ring on your nose, earrings on your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. So you were adorned with gold and silver; your clothes were of fine linen and costly fabric and embroidered cloth. Your food was honey, olive oil and the finest flour. You became very beautiful and rose to be a queen. And your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect, declares the Sovereign LORD.
    “‘But you trusted in your beauty and used your fame to become a prostitute. You lavished your favors on anyone who passed by and your beauty became his. You took some of your garments to make gaudy high places, where you carried on your prostitution. You went to him, and he possessed your beauty. You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them.  And you took your embroidered clothes to put on them, and you offered my oil and incense before them. Also the food I provided for you—the flour, olive oil and honey I gave you to eat—you offered as fragrant incense before them. That is what happened, declares the Sovereign LORD. 

I'm learning that God pursues us. He takes His time to get to know us. He sees us kicking ourselves in a puddle of blood. He cleans us up, bathing us in water and cleans the blood from our faces, gently putting medicine on us. Giving us life, forming us as we grow and making us beautiful, clothing us in the most extravagant clothes and jewelry. He makes us His, giving us His eternal covenant. He tells us that He will always love us, He will never leave us. Yet we don't realize who our first love was. We were nothing before God came to us and made us into a beauty. And I dare to say we break His heart everyday, because He longs for us and yet we long for another. We use everything He gave us to fulfill our own desires and seek another man. 

I pray that every girl who is seeking their worth in a man, will fall face first and look up to see that God is the one there with open arms. Waiting to clean us up and make us His. He is the only One who can give us worth. And He deserves every part of our heart.

Glory In The Highest!

The definition of glory is something that is a source of honor, fame, or admiration; a distinguished ornament or an object of pride.

The Greek work Doxa means: Majesty, something belonging to God. The Kingly majesty which belongs to Him as supreme ruler, majesty in the sense of the absolute perfection of the deity.

"God’s holiness is what separates Him from all other beings, what makes Him separate and distinct from everything else. God’s holiness is more than just His perfection or sinless purity; it is the essence of His “other-ness,” His transcendence. God’s holiness embodies the mystery of His awesomeness and causes us to gaze in wonder at Him as we begin to comprehend just a little of His majesty."
http://www.gotquestions.org/holy-holy-holy.html

I'm blown away and rightly put in my place when thinking of God's glory! It's indescribable. I can't think of words to describe this "other-ness". It truly is a mystery! Yet God reveals Himself to us. He reveals His glory to us by sending Jesus to the earth as a babe. Perfect and void of sin. He came down from Heaven and the Word became flesh. Living, breathing, crying baby! Creating and fulfilling the life God planned for Him. Redeeming the captives and setting US free!

The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of His being, sustaining all things by His powerful word. After He had provided purification for sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven. Hebrews 1:3

Hebrews 1:3 puts it so simply. Jesus was and is the radiance of God's glory. He represented God in everything that He is. A picture a child would draw of the Sun is the best illustration I can think of. The main circle being God, and the rays being Christ radiating who God is in all His glory. Just imagine the rays going on for eternity!

Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, goodwill toward men! Luke 2:14

Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; The whole earth is full of His glory! Isaiah 6:3

How GREAT would it be if our lives were the rays of God's glory. If we were so covered in God's glory that it was radiant on our faces and in our lives. That we represented who He was. There can be no higher goal in life than to bring glory to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. Give Him glory!

The Invisible War.

Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul. 1 Peter 2:11


There is a raging war in my mind. How about you? I'm praying God will change my thoughts and transform them into His will. My family and I are on a journey to make up for 17 years of damage that was done. Please pray for us.

Loved.

The college entrance essay for Mrs.Batchelor's class...

The rough concrete under my bare legs scratched coarsely as I rocked back and forth crying, “Mommy please let me in!” Surrounded by still darkness, I did not dare attempt to open the door. I knew it remained locked. I could not feel the cutting wind or the fat raindrops hit me, solely consumed by how invisible I felt as she stared at me chillingly. My uncontrollable shivering stemmed not from the cold November night, but the overwhelming knowledge of my mother’s love locked away from me on the other side of that glass door; separated from my Mommy’s warm arms. An act done by her with intention.

Flash-forward… I now lay covered by the new blankets in my new bed, hearing echoes of my new family giggling and playing downstairs. Warm and safe, protected and loved describe the emotions that now fill my once lonely heart. Thankfully, a family opened their life, their home and most importantly, their arms to accept me. They set an example of what I am called to do with my life.

Speaking to helpless children of neglect, young adults filled with loneliness, and men and women around the world with starving hearts allows me to share my message of hope. The intimate message of the love that found me, a love that took an orphan in, now explodes from within me. That gift of love demonstrated towards me draws my heart to do the same for others. Advocacy of mental illnesses that daily pollute the lives of children proves a cause worthy to fight for. I want to study psychology in the hope of grasping the human mind, the illnesses and tendencies of different diseases. This education will equip me with knowledge a child psychologist requires, proactively speaking for children unable to defend themselves. Counseling children and leading them into lives unhindered by mental illnesses motivates me to make a difference for them just as a family made a difference for a little girl on the wrong side of the door.

I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18

Words.

What do girls do when they get together? Eat, talk, and cry. Of course. So many broken hearts and so many crushed spirits. People truly don't understand how much their words and actions mean to people. Please, take the time to lift someone up. Take the time to love on someone. Next time you want to say something mean or hateful to someone realize that you could possibly be ripping their heart in two. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.

But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. Matthew 12:36

To all my ECLL girls, I love you! <3

On Earth as it is in Heaven...

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Philippians 4:4

Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky. Philippians 2:14-15

I start my day with, "God, please help me to have a good day. Lord I just pray that everything is calm and easy, that it goes by smoothly and I don't have any trouble. God please just do this for me today." I would like to think I'm not alone, and that a lot of other Christians pray the same thing.

I was thinking about it though, as a young Christian in high school I get a lot of negative input on my beliefs, actions, or convictions. Whatever word you prefer. My peers don't understand me, and sometimes I feel so disliked. I feel so lonely that it hurts. A very wise lady told me that it wasn't necessarily a bad thing though. Christ Himself was hated. Of course I was going to be hated, because Christ is IN me! That helped me to understand.. Sometimes having an "easy, good or smooth" day isn't exactly what I want. I'm in a raging battle, one I can't even see, and I need to fight instead of pretending like everything is just fine and dandy.

So back to my thought, instead of praying for an easy day, I need to pray for a good attitude. Most of us Christians don't pray for God's will to be done in our lives, because that would make us uncomfortable and we wouldn't have control. I like to have control, and I like to have my days planned out. When it doesn't happen MY way, I tend to freak.

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." Maya Angelou. In class the other day, we had to do a 25 minute SAT Essay as practice. This was the quote, and the topic was to write why we thought it was good or bad to not complain. Basically, when I read this quote all my thoughts and prayers had been placed on that sheet of paper in concrete words.

My goal would be to start every morning with a heart felt prayer of, "Lord thank you for another day. God I pray that no matter who I come into contact with, or what happens to me today, good or bad, that I can be thankful and have a joyful heart. God help me to seek Your will for the day, and to not be mindful of my plans." That would be my desire. To change my attitude, and be joyful about sufferings, persecution and trials. Because in the end, it's all a blessing.

Holding His hand.

Children are my passion. I love everything about them. Learning, playing, laughing, being silly, even misbehaving, and especially forming relationships. It's one of my favorite things when I see a child out in town from daycare, and they remember me by name. I can't explain how my heart smiles.

But my relationship with God can be compared to children in so many different ways. And I will have revelations while holding a child's hand, feeding a 2 month old baby, teaching a toddler their manners, and being yelled at or ignored by a preschooler. My relationship with them is somewhat of a reflection of my relationship with Christ. He wanted to love me, when I was in the womb growing and developing, when I was a small baby not able to do anything for Him but expect care. Growing more and more in my sinful nature without having to be taught. I can not imagine the pain and remorse my Father felt as I let go of His hands holding me, and walked my own way.

The children that I have been around, for only a few weeks have grown on me. I love them, and care for them. I can't explain how I feel like they are my own. How much more does our Heavenly Father love us.

Hosea 11:1-3; 7-9

1 "When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son.

2 But the more I called Israel, the further they went from me. They sacrificed to the Baals and they burned incense to images.

3 It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them.

4 I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them.

7 My people are determined to turn from me. Even if they call to the Most High, he will by no means exalt them.

8 "How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel? How can I treat you like Admah? How can I make you like Zeboiim? My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused.

9 I will not carry out my fierce anger, nor will I turn and devastate Ephraim. For I am God, and not man— the Holy One among you. I will not come in wrath.

I wish I could completely understand this: The Greek word for love in verse 1 is Ahav, and means a lot of different things. To love, desire, delight, like, be fond of, covet, be beloved, amiable, to be a passionate lover or paramour. It implies an intensely devoted, eager, or enthusiastic mindset and a tenderness of affection. It describes the close attachment between parents and children, and the close ties of friendship. It denotes a strong emotional attachment for and a desire to be in the presence of the object of love.

To think that God has all of that, towards us!! This love is indescribable. All the words in the world can't even describe it.

God our Father loved and called us by name, summoned us to Him, as His own child. He taught us how to stand, to walk, to talk. He lead us by the arms, holding us and helping us stand. His mighty arms and hands held ours. He healed us from every sickness we can think of. Yet we paid no attention and walked away. He kept calling us, yet we ignored Him or chose to leave Him. We were determined. He loved us, and lifted the yoke off of our necks, placing it on His Son's. Providing for us, giving us the foods we need. We were determined to turn away from Him, yet He never gives us up, He never hands us over, He doesn't treat us differently. He is God and He loves us unlike a man would. Oh, how He loves us.

What's the point?

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. -Psalm 19:14

So, blogging. This is a new experience for me. I have a lot to say about a lot of stuff, but posting it on the internet where anyone can look? It makes me feel uncomfortable. But hey, that's kind of the point. Out of my comfort zone where I can be matured. I'm doing my best not to go back and edit my posts a million times.

The title of my blog is pretty self explanatory. I'm going to write about the meditations of my heart. I pray that I can be completely honest with myself and everyone else. I am not perfect, and some of the things I let myself dwell on are far from perfect. But I know I can be transformed by the renewing of my mind, by God's word the more that I study and read. (Romans 12:2) I just want to reflect on what God Himself teaches me, right here.

But here is my little dilemma. I was talking to my mentor, and she was telling me about how a few weeks ago her pastor brought a message that was about how, "it is not all about us, but it is all about God." I don't at all want this blog to be all about me, because that would be very unimportant and a waste of precious time that I could spend proclaiming the name of Jesus. (Philippians 3:7-11)

So I'm praying that this will be a Christ-centered blog. That if anyone reads it, it brings them closer to God and helps edify and enrich their relationship with Christ as I grow in my relationship with Him. (1 Corinthians 1:4-6)

I hope you enjoy!