Do you trust God?

"I have a plan. Do you trust Me?" God asked me this question about a month ago...and my answer was a heartbreaking "No". I sat on my bed and cried when I realised that I don't trust God and that most of the time, my heart doesn't want to trust God. I laid before God and told Him with all honesty in my heart that I didn't trust Him because I didn't like to lose control and I didn't want to have to handle a pain that felt unbearable - the pain of not having all the answers. When those words came out of my mouth I felt I was going to vomit! How can I not trust God? How can I lay before the perfect and sinless God who loves me and died for me, and tell Him I don't trust Him?

You see, growing up I had to take care of myself. I know without a doubt that my parents loved me with all the love in their hearts, but that love wasn't simply enough. As a child I often had to be the adult and make decisions that were best for my safety and health. That's something a child should never have to do. I learned to play parent. I had to play parent. And now, as a 19 year old young adult, I feel I must play God in my own life. I like to have control. I feel like I have to do what is best for myself. I have a trust issue. Please hear me out.. God is completely and utterly worthy of trust. He is completely credible. This issue is my own. 

In my quiet time a few weeks ago the topic was "the obstacle of unbelief", which is essentially not trusting God. We can believe IN God and have our eternity secured, but not believe God and spend all of our earthly years insecure and filled with unnecessary worry and anxiety. God created us each for the purpose of knowing Him and believing Him. Isaiah 43:10 says "You are my witnesses," declares the LORD, "and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe Me and understand that I am He. Before Me no god was formed, nor will there be one after Me". In the Hebrew, the world for "believe" is 'aman, which means "to make firm, to stand firm, to be enduring; to trust, to believe". In the Greek, the word is pisteuo, which means "to be firmly persuaded as to something, to believe...with the idea of hope and certain expectation".  The rest of my quiet time was focused on Mark 9:21-24 (read the passage here.). This is an account of a father of a demon-possessed boy. The father came to Jesus and asked Him for His help. I love this story, because I really relate to the father. He says to Jesus "if you can do anything.." and Jesus immediately replies "If I can? All things are possible for one who believes". I tend to say "If you can.." repeatedly in my prayer life. What a slap in the face to God! Of course He can! HE IS ABLE. He is God. And then the father quickly responds "I believe; help my unbelief!" I can imagine him saying this quickly so he can't think twice about what he is actually saying. "I believe" is the right answer. God is completely worthy of our trust and belief. Numbers 23:19 beautifully explains that "God is not man, that He should lie, or a son of man, that He should change His mind. Has he said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not fulfil it?"

The cry of our heart should be "I believe; help my unbelief!" Beth Moore once said "Trusting an invisible God doesn't come naturally to any believer. A trust relationship grows only by stepping out in faith and making the choice to trust. The ability to believe God develops most often through pure experience". It's not easy to trust God, especially when He asks us to surrender all of our desires and painful questions to Him. 

BUT as a son and daughter of God, you have the privilege to trust and rest secure in your Heavenly Father. As I've been working through this issue with God I've realised more and more that God is for me. I am His, and He is mine. He loves me, He left heaven and came to a people who rejected Him, and He was brutally beaten and nailed to a tree so that I could know and believe Him. Beloved, know that God is for you. He did all of this FOR YOU. He is a loving, compassionate, grace-filled God who is unlike any man and who has wonderful and amazing plans for your life! He is going to glorify Himself through your life, but as John Piper always says, He is glorified the most when we are satisfied in Him. You may not have all the answers right now, but you have the ability to draw close to the One who has all the answers - the one who loves you and has the best plan for you!

I hope this is some encouragement to you! I don't think I could find the right words to express what is truly going on in my heart and my head concerning this issue, but I really do pray this can be of some help to you! I pray that you and I will both learn to trust God each and every day! Remind yourself of who He is on a regular basis and don't relent until your heart clings to God.

Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in Me. John 14:1

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song. Psalm 28:7

I watched this video a few months ago and it blew my mind. In the same way the little girl didn't trust her mother, we don't trust God..but remember, He has a bigger and better plan that we could ever think of! TRUST HIM! :)