Hand Written.

You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts. 2 Corinthians 3:3

I may not be sitting next to you and you may not be able to hear my voice, but you are hand written into my heart by the Spirit of God. Please, never forget that.

I can feel my baby brothers arms around my neck. His whole body hangs as he giggles and wiggles with me. I can feel his big slobbery kisses all over my face. I can hear him running up to me saying, "Sissy missed you, sissy missed you." Or running up the stairs to come pester me. I can see him sleeping next to me with one eye open or tossing from his dreams.

I can hear my Dad's laughter from downstairs. I can feel his hugs and his kisses that always reassured me that I am his and that he loves me. I can see him sitting next to me at the dinner table, leading our family in prayer. Or the way he would pull me into his lap and just sit with me in comfortable silence.  I can hear his silly jokes and his stern voice. I can remember the long conversations we'd have and the times we snuck out of the house to get ice cream.

I can see my Mom sitting across the room from me. I can see her big smile and goofy faces she'd make at me. I can feel her laying next to me in my bed when I just needed a friend. Or listening to me talk for hours because life didn't make sense to me and I wanted her wisdom. I can smell her perfume and see her sitting on the opposite side of the church, the both of us looking at each other and knowing exactly what the other was thinking. I can see her tripping or knocking into something and laughing for days about it.

I can feel my brother sitting on top of me and ticking me until I was about to pee myself. I can hear him mocking and making fun of me, showing me what a big brother is all about. I can remember feeling his absence when he went to boot camp for the army. I can feel letters in my hand and my excitement that he signed "I love you" at the end of his letters. I feel his arm tightly around me, protecting me, and showing that I am his sister, no matter what.

I can remember long car rides with my big sister. I can hear her voice giving me advice in life of how to not settle for anything. I feel the impact she's had in my life and I know I'm where I am today because of her. I can see her beauty inside and out and admire her as a little sister. 

I can hear the kids upstairs playing while the adults are downstairs. I see my Pops wearing his famous tie die t-shirt and red and green sneakers to Christmas dinner and hear Grams calling me Sabrina for 3 months straight. I can see and smell my aunt cooking in the kitchen. I can hear the men laughing at commercials and yelling at the football game on t.v. I can see everyone filling their plates with food and sitting together. I can feel every kiss on the cheek, every hug, hear every giggle and each voice saying "I love you" and meaning it.

I can feel the wind in my hair as we drive to church with the worship music as loud as possible, belting out the words and singing like nothing mattered. I can see a beautiful girl come from death to life and witness Jesus change her life. I can feel the awkwardness between us as we break down every wall we've built up. I can feel the laughter in my belly as we lay in her bed late at night and joke about anything and everything. I can hear her words, her tears, her hurt, her joy, her ambitions and her love in her voice and laugh. 

I can remember meeting a little girl who is now grown into a young woman with influence in her peers lives. I feel my best friend's arms around me at awkward moments. I hear all the silly things she's ever said or moments when she doesn't understand something. I hear her deep laugh that sounds like a man. I see her heart and her compassion for people. I hear her voice reading the Bible to me and telling me what God was doing in her life. I can see her rolling around in the snow, or racing me on the sleds. I felt her pain as she faced one of the hardest times of her life. I see her love, genuine and pure love towards me.

I can hear her sweet soft voice all around me. I can see her family gathered together in the living room, including me in everything they do as if I was their own daughter. I can hear her mom's laugh, her daddy's southern accent, her sisters giggles. I can feel her hand in mine as we pray for one another together. I hear her sing in the car. I can see her get shy and play with her hair. I can hear the country music playing in the car, and I can see the sun setting in front of us as we talk about the desires of our heart and God's will for our lives. "You'll never not be my girl.." runs through my head when I think about her.

I can feel the Spirit in me and all around me, His presence makes me light headed as I stand to worship. I see a group of men and women standing before me, committing themselves to praise and worship in our church. I hear the congregation behind me, some sitting, some standing, some singing and some clapping, and some in silence. I hear the Pastor preach the word of God with power and I am amazed to watch my church family respond to God. I see people who have spent their time with me. People who have prayed for me. People who have LOVED me. I see their faces. I hear their voices.