Satisfaction.

Relationships. Yup, I'm going there. Now, before you jump to conclusions and assume I'm simply talking about romantic, lovey dovey relationships, know that I'm not! This is about relationships in general, and applies to the relationships you have with different types of people - friends, parents, a significant other, acquaintances, etc.

Let's just say that recently God has really been busy in my heart. It hasn't been the most fun, but it has been stretching and I'm thankful for that! God always wants to grow us and mould us to look more like His Son Jesus! So after I got myself into a silly situation, made mistakes, didn't use all of my brain, allowed my emotions to dictate my decisions, and ultimately ended up hurt, God opened my eyes to His hand moving in my life. Take note of this please: God does use our mistakes for His ultimate good, but He doesn't desire for us to make those mistakes in the first place (Thank you daddy for reminding me of this). God is gracious and He does make everything work for our good, but He never wants us to stray from Him at all. He wants us to be in tune with His Holy Spirit so that we can avoid sin, bad decisions, and ultimately heartbreak. I strayed. My quite time with Jesus diminished. My prayer life was rare and often self-centred and out of desperation. I focused on my desires rather than Christ's. There was no consistency with our relationship.. I loved Him when it was convenient, trusted Him when I had all the answers, and indulged myself in earthly satisfactions to fill the hole in my heart. Too bad everything else in light of Christ is only temporary satisfaction.

So what did I learn? And what in the world does this have to do with relationships? Jesus. Satisfaction. Those are the answers. I hadn't realised how desperate I was for love, yet I looked everywhere but God. Maybe it had something to do with my childhood. Maybe it had to do with feeling like the Jesus freak outcast in high school. Maybe it had to do with the teasing that I experience day in and day out. Maybe it's because I'm insecure and want people to think well of me. Maybe it's because I hold myself to an unrealistic standard. Or maybe it's simply because I am sinful and am determined to turn away from God (Hosea 11:2). EITHER WAY, I wasn't satisfied in God or His love. Not because His love wasn't satisfying, but because my mind was focused on being satisfied by earthly and temporary things: PEOPLE!

Relationships are beautiful. People are awesome. But they are NOT God. They never can and never will fill you the way that a relationship with God will. And I don't just use that word relationship lightly, I mean an intimate, daily, even hourly, communication with the God of Heaven, and the Jesus who lived and died for you, kind of relationship! I had to learn this the hard way. You cannot go into any type of earthly relationship looking to be filled with love or security. You will simply drain that person and put unrealistic expectations on them, because ultimately you are expecting them to fill a hole in your heart that only God can fill. Healthy relationships are made of people who have been made whole by Christ's love, and are then able to love others because of God's love in them! They don't come into any type of relationship as needy or insecure, expecting love in return for their love. That isn't unconditional, that's conditional! And we are NOT called to love people in that way!

Maybe I'm rambling and making no sense, but this is what God has shown me over the past few weeks.. He is all sufficient, all satisfying, and everything we need. Allow Him to fill you with His love, and learn to be satisfied in Him. Draw near to Him. Know the truth that is in His word. Take His promises to heart and trust Him. Learn more about who God is, and allow Him to reveal Himself to you more and more. Trust me, you'll stand in awe of Him and your heart will be AMAZED by the beauty and glory of who He is! You were created to know the God of heaven and earth! He is Emmanuel; God with us. He is El Shaddai; All sufficient!

I'm praying for you...the same prayer that Paul prayed in the book of Ephesians: I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:16-19

You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand. Psalm 16:11 :)

"God surpasses our dreams when we reach past our personal plans and agenda to grab the hand of Christ and walk the path He chose for us. He is obligated to keep us dissatisfied until we come to His plan for complete satisfaction." - Beth Moore

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song. Psalm 28:7 

Whom have I in heaven but You? And the earth has nothing I desire besides You. My heart and my flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever! Psalm 73:25-26

Opened doors.

Where do I start? I'm so excited to write this blog! God just gave me an "aha" moment and now I'm scrambling to find the right words to express what He's shown me. Okay, I'll start from the beginning... Every year the seminary has a "missions week" and all the students are placed into different groups that go into different communities with various ministry opportunities. This year I was placed in a group of two, to go to a care centre for young children who have HIV/AIDS or who are terminally ill with sickness. I was reading through information about the centre and, to put it simply, the home was founded by the government to provide a place for these children to die peacefully and in a loving environment. Yeah, let that sink in. Thankfully times have changed and there is medicine to help children who are HIV positive, allowing them to grow and thrive for as long as possible.

Today Paulette and I went to the centre to "check it out" and see what's happening there. Lets just say I almost had an emotional break down right there in front of the nice lady showing us around. If you know me, you know I love children and especially the young ones! I really don't think I can even start to explain what I saw...

Okay, but back to the point of why I'm writing this.. After the sweet woman introduced us to all the workers she showed us the play room. We walked in and I was immediately greeted by a very young and handsome 2 year old boy. I introduced myself and asked what his name was, but didn't get an answer. He simply looked at me (I was down at his level at this point). After a few seconds of "checking me out" he took my legs, spread them, turned around, and backed himself up to my chest and got as close as he could to me and then put my arms around him. I was in heaven...nothing beats that feeling! He just wanted to be close to someone. After a few minutes of staying like that he decided that he wanted a chair so that he could sit with the other young kids. I didn't even think twice about it, I went and got that child a chair!

Yesterday I was walking to my flat and I saw Matthew (one of the small children who live on campus with his grandfather) and he immediately ran up to me and greeted me with a sweet "Hello auntie Corina".. (one of my favourite things to hear!). After that we played for a while on the jungle gym and then we said our goodbyes and I went to make supper. After maybe 5 minutes Matthew simply walked into my flat and insisted that I come play with him again. How could I say no? I enjoyed pushing him on the swing and chasing him around...but I also knew I had a test to study for! So after a few more minutes I told him goodbye again and went to study for my test. Annnnnnd maybe 10 minutes later I had a little Matthew in my bedroom insisting again that "auntie Corina you must come play with me". This little one came into the front door without knocking and straight into my room to come and get me. I don't think I've had that much fun in a while!

So this evening I was just sitting and thinking about what I experienced the past few evenings with the little kids and God opened my eyes to more about Him as a Father. You see, God loves us as His children... He DELIGHTS in us! He wants what is best for us...He wants to give us good gifts and care for us. He wants us to be joyful and satisfied. I was immediately reminded of these two passages this evening:

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him! Matthew 7:11

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16

I didn't think twice about letting that little boy nestle up to me..and I probably would have knelt there as long as he wanted to! I didn't think about asking if I should get a chair down for him or not, I simply did because I knew that's what he wanted (and I was sure it would be fine :) ). When Matthew insisted that I play with him, I always went. I enjoyed it! Both of these children were bold with me. The one didn't say much to me, but used his own little hands to put me where he wanted me and to put himself where he wanted! Matthew didn't even knock - He came straight to me :)

We as God's children should feel comfortable with Him to ask Him for what we need! He desires for us to be fulfilled IN HIM. He wants to show us His love. He wants us to know Him, to trust Him, to speak to Him. He wants to give us His joy. He wants His peace to rule our hearts. He wants us to walk through this life in the midst of His presence and in His will. Plain and simply, He delights in us when we are satisfied in Him! Don't be afraid to ask God for these things. He is your Daddy! He loves you and wants to give good gifts to you. He wants to give you life and life in abundance!

The Lord delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love. Psalm 147:11